The Gendered Lens

There I was busy awaiting my turn at the vegetable vendor and I met a friend and soon were talking about the upcoming school holidays and about our plans to keep our children engaged during the holidays as we were working mothers. All of a sudden a woman in her mid 50s (I prefer to call her Aunty) intervened with a statement saying "That is why, all mothers should take the job of a teacher". Looking at our puzzled expression, she continued "That way you will get leave the same time as your children". I stared nonplussed at her. My friend shrugged her shoulders and gave me a look that said "I don't know what she means by that, but let it go!" I being me, could not let it go, I simply reverted saying "Then what do we tell our daughters who want to study medicine or engineering or business administration that hey you can study all you want but if you want a family it is best that you don't pursue your professional interests but rather be a teacher because then you can spend more time with your children!" I was rewarded with a look that I have now managed to decipher pretty quickly - of being one of those who  view life from a rather "not so rosy" view of the gendered lens. She said quite easily- "A teacher is a very good profession for women, especially those who want families!" In my mind I was going "hey even men want to be teachers and why must women only be teachers and why can't they aspire to be what they want to!" But out aloud I said "So our girls should not be doctors, engineers, astronauts etc?" By now my friend was fidgeting and trying to gesticulate that I could de-escalate my discussion with the lady. However not one to try an get away from a confrontation, I simply reverted that "toh hamari ladkiyan engineer aur doctor na bane? Aunty?" I got no answer. She nodded and moved on.

I however, could not get move on. Flummoxed I was, by the silence and the acceptance of an outdated and misguided norm. I ruminated over this conversation for quite sometime. Male doctor and a female teacher! Gendered roles! When we talk of the gendered lens, it actually starts from there. It starts when we push our girl children to pick up dance over learning some martial art? When we push our boys into learning basketball even if they want to learn ballet. When we pigeon hole careers into what works for being a better mother/ parent/ professional, we limit the potential of the individual and also force someone into being what they do not want to be!

It is time for each one of us to move away from these gendered perceptions  and  it is time for us to engage with people and call out such perceptions.